You’ll Have Dinner With Me Tonight. Not a question, but a statement of “this is going to happen, unless you can talk me out of it, and in that dress, you don’t stand a chance.”

Your Moment

There exist in your life moments—fleeting and magical moments, both past and future—that speed up your heart, pervade your entire consciousness, and feed your soul.  While damn near impossible to predict and equally elusive for which to feel prepared, these moments may well dictate your life’s direction.

How you handle the moments makes all the difference.  The problem is that they arrive bewilderingly packaged in do-it-yourself kits with instructions as cryptic and indistinguishable as the contents of a child’s swing set kit.

Colin Cowherd theorizes that we make 5-8 decisions of moderate to crucial importance a day, and our choices in these individual decisions combine to either improve or impair our lives and our future happiness. Will you:

• chase the life you’ve always imagined
• fail to find your place
• OR will you uncover all new possibilities about which you never dreamed?

Ok, that stuff is kind of heavy.  What the hell are we talking about today and how does it tie into something to do in Huntsville?  What we are talking about today is something fun to do in Huntsville…..GOING ON A DATE!!!

She Said YES!

So you’ve had one of these moments where you have confidently convinced a beautiful woman that she wants to spend a Saturday night with you (or man–I’m here for the Ladies and Gays too, and while I don’t necessarily prescribe to the traditional format, for the purposes of writing a coherent article, I will today).

But anyway, good job.  You picked up on the cues that she is interested and at the very least you have helped her translate that interest into agreeing to hanging around you and having fun for between 1 and 15 valuable weekend hours.

She said yes.

Now what do you do?!

You better come up with a plan to back up that smooth, cool image you sold, or you will find yourself on the short end of that 1 to 15 hour range.

Well I think I can help. I’m not saying I’m the best date in the world…I mean, some people may choose of their own free will to say that (I cannot name them), but I’m not saying it.  I do nonetheless have a grasp on a few dating basics which might prove beneficial.

First, come up with a plan.

Don’t screw around here.

Don’t wing it.  You need to tip this in your favor because, and I hope this doesn’t smack you as a news flash:

Women are smarter than men

You need all the help you can get.

It can be flexible, but have some kind of idea for where to take the night.

Unprepared in this case means lazy, and if someone wants a lazy person, you don’t want that someone.

Kinzer’s Tips to Get Your Date on Track

Next, there are a few little simple things you can do to get the date moving in the right direction.

1. Bring a flower.  Just one.  Simple. Sweet.  She deserves it.
2. Open the car door. Thank you Coach George Bennett for teaching me this one early. I should do this every time.
3. Ask questions. Learn about her.  It’s not an interview, but you gotta figure out if you can have fun together or if she is going to be completely appalled by what you consider your ‘normal’ behavior. Don’t try to make a square…you know what I mean.

Pay Attention

After some quality time spent in these three departments, you are going to have an idea about where the night is going to end up.  Pay attention to the cues, but also assume it is going to go, as they say in the Godfather-and yes, I’m using this completely outside of its originally intended meaning so don’t email me saying “you’ve obviously never seen the Godfather- “to the mattresses.”

Hey hey, who’s up for a run-on sentence?  There you are…no charge for that one is on the house. But seriously, if things aren’t going well after these three steps, it’s probably time to cut the line and start texting your BCs, which does not stand for British Columbia.

Pretty simple plan, right?  Yes, you’ll have to figure most of it out intuitively, but this will get you started.

Kinzer Gets Creative

But let’s get back to the main point, if I could, which will be the focus of the remainder of today’s periodic entry.   This article isn’t really a pep talk, although I do do pep talks if you are in the market.  The reason we are here today is to talk about fun date ideas in Huntsvegas.  It’s a cool town, but it isn’t screaming at you, so get creative.

Here are some ideas you might try:

Happy Swimming Dining

For the thirsty among us, a good night might start off with a summer cocktail downtown at Humphrey’s or Amendment XXI followed by an as-many-stars-as-you’d-like-to-give-it dinner at Cotton Row.  Depending on the heat (and your adventure and accepted risk level), seek out an untended pool and show off your cannonballs.

Chuck E. Cheese

I promise this is a fun date! Ski-Ball, Bob-It (that game where you get to hit the little otters on the head), Air Hockey, screaming kids, stressed-out parents, and singing animatronic mice. You want to be yourself on a date. If you can’t be yourself at Chuck E. Cheese, then how did you get someone to go out with you? As an added incentive, they serve wine on tap. [spacer size=”0″]

Roller Derby

If your idea of a good time is watching girls capable of beating up you and your date together beat each other up, then take your friend to the see the Dixie Derby Girls.

Mexican Challenge

Challenge yourself to run up the biggest tab you can at a cheap Mexican restaurant. $95 is a respectable try for two. Let me know if you beat us.

A Day in Court

So you and your date enjoy people watching? Spend a weekday afternoon betting each other on with what the people sitting around you will be charged with in Municipal Court. You can keep the wager details to yourself, but rest assured you’ll witness a train wreck or two before the gavel raps for the last time. I don’t recommend this for a first date…that might seem a little creepy.

Concerts on the Dock

Lowe Mill and Flying Monkey Arts host this free event every Friday night in the summer off the old loading dock out back. 700 people show up every week to listen to live music and enjoy whatever you want to bring in to consume….seriously, WHATEVER you like. You can impress your date by displaying your hula hoop skills on the stage-front lawn.

Take a Hike

Start out with a hike up Monte Sano. From the Hiker’s parking lot, take the Bucca Trail or South Plateau Loop out to O’Shaughnessy Point, talk about how lovely is the view, and then grab lunch and some sweet tea at the PO Boy Factory or 1892 East.

Bridge Street Brunch

Spend a rainy Sunday at Bridge Street grabbing brunch at Watercress. Get her out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini…and some chicken and waffles.

Take in a Show

Visit the theater at Merrimack Hall or the VBC Playhouse. Women love these kind of shows. You get cool points if you can convince her you do too. I really do like them, by the way.

Paddle the Elk

Solo, with a date, or with a group of 20, I’ve never had a bad day on the Elk. Elk River Canoe Rental in Kelso, Tennessee, can hook you up with a vessel, a pickup, and a commemorative neck-suspended beer-huggie. My Dixieland Delight.

Lime & the Bieber

When the sun gets heads up over California, it starts thinking about an afternoon drink in Hawaii. If you are unable for any reason to join it, a good alternative is the patio at Lime. If the lakeside view doesn’t relax you, the cold margaritas, Tecates and tequila shots will. Afterwards, throw a dollar in a struggling musician’s guitar case to thank him for playing a cover of Justin Bieber’s “Baby” at an opportune moment.

Free tip: Your date loves Justin Bieber. You might as well at least pretend he is talented, which he definitely is. Nope…I don’t want to hear it.  Just get on board with this one if you know what’s good for you.

Drive up the winding road

Time your drive to Sewanee, Tennessee, with the fall colors for a beautiful car ride. Stop in at Shenanigan’s for lunch and tour the old stone castelesque campus of the University of the South.

Feeling spontaneous? Priceline a room in Chattanooga and tour the North Shore Art District Sunday morning. They have a box-sledding hill. This should be self-explanatory, but i’ve attached a picture for reference.

Picnic and Art

Picnic in Big Spring Park with Lyn’s Gracious Goodness and make sidewalk chalk art. Depending on your form of expression, you might consider bringing a pressure washer along as well.

Bienvenidos a IKEA

I was once an IKEA virgin, yet always hearing about how cool it was. Never in my wildest dreams did I foresee Michael Kinzer getting this excited about a retail shopping experience, but IKEA is an international phenomena worthy of a destination date.

The key is in the flow. You have to walk past EVERY ITEM, so make an afternoon of it. Pick up a few inexpensive decorative items, try cold pickled fish in the cafe (a Swedish delicacy, I’m assured), or rank all the chairs based on comfort from 1 to 52. My favorite IKEA activity is volunteering as greeter.

Welcome to IKEA.
Welcome to IKEA.
Bienvenidos a EEKAYEA.

Some people speak Spanish, so every third greeting is translated to statistically approach attention to diversity.

A Night of Great Literature

None of those ideas work for you? Pop a bottle of wine, cook a little pasta, and read all of Mike Kinzer’s old blogs.

Hopefully you are inspired to take your favorite person somewhere special soon. He or she deserves it.

As for me, I’ll soon be taking a lovely and sweet young lady out for our 6th date. I’ve never considered anyone else worthy of having our dates officially numbered past 1 or 2, so I’m pretty excited about this one. Date 5 was even better than the previous four, which was not an easy standard to overtake, so I better up my game for this one. Ironically enough, Date 6 is simply…

….Dinner and a Movie.

Wish me luck, and good luck on yours!

Kinzer